Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Today is bitter sweet. I am so excited to wish Brandon a happy 16th birthday. But pieces of me are really sad that I am not part of his celebration. Rather than dwell on that with this blog post I will share some really awesome and one not so awesome memories we shared over the years. ...
I met Brandon when he was 8 years old. I met him probably a little too soon, in hindsight. The day after his dad and my first date. We had dinner probably sloppy joe's and played a board game. He was a pretty sweet kid. I really wish I had a picture from that evening. I would love to hold on to him at 8 years old forever.
A little over a year later the decision for his dad and I to move in together was made. During the week of the move his dad was admitted into the hospital for an unexplained illness. That left me playing "mom" and taking Brandon on the tour of his new school. Of course the vice principle assumed I was his mother, so Brandon put her in her place and said "My parents are divorced. This is my dad's girlfriend. She will be my step-mom one day" Just remembering that hurts my heart. The vice principle didn't skip a beat and said "My parents are divorced too. Isn't it cool having two Christmas's?!"
I don't remember how old Brandon was, but it was during Christmas break he curled up next to me on the couch and watched hours of Lifetime movies. It was a great afternoon. Really peaceful.
Brandon's elementary promotion ceremony will always stand out in my mind. He was so handsome in his dress clothes! I am so happy I was able to attend. Promoting from 5th grade to 6th grade ... Such a big moment.
An entire summer we went to Six Flags almost every weekend. Brandon was like me; a total chicken! He didn't want to ride The Ninja with his dad. It turned into him crying and being inconsolable. I have a soft heart and stood up for him later causing a fight between his dad and I taking him to get Dippin' Dots. Which was a total mistake because they melt as soon as they touch your lips and are NOTHING like real ice cream.
Never take a child ice skating unless you are drunk! Jess and I took Brandon ice skating the first winter his dad and I were together. It was AWFUL! No matter how many times I showed him what to do or tried to help him, he just wasn't getting it. And blamed me for his lack of coordination! Needless to say we NEVER went ice skating again. Sad since that is one of my favorite things to do even though I am terrible at it!
I was so scared for Brandon to start high school. I didn't want him to get bullied or labeled a nerd. I think his dad and I scared him more than we should have with all the stories of how he could be picked on. He was fine though. He made it through Freshman year unharmed!
With all good memories there are the bad. Like the first time he yelled back at me "YOU ARE NOT MY MOM" and slammed his bedroom door. You are right Brandon, I am not your mom. But I have always loved you and cared for you as though I was. Deep down I think he understands how my presence made his life that much better.
I have many memories throughout the last 8 years and could go on forever, but I will end here with HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDON! You are an amazing kid. I love you kid!
Friday, September 20, 2013
Last week I totally forgot to post my H54F. So you all get a double dose.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Today should be a great day. It's Tuesday! My favorite day of the week ... At least until the end of December. Tuesdays bring fun and entertainment to my ordinarily boring life. Hanging out with two of the coolest kids on the planet can totally do that for a person!
Of course there is always something that has to bring my mood from high to low. Today and most days is stupid people. I don't understand why people have to ask the same questions over and over. Hello! Do you not own a notebook?! Write that shit down the first time I tell you! I also do not understand why people think I am a mind reader or the people that tell someone but not you information that is important to your day to day functions.
Frustrated is an understatement of how I am feeling. And yet I can't really get into it all because I am the genius that told EVERYONE about my blog. So the parties that are really annoying may or may not read my blog.
... Is it too early to start drinking?
Friday, September 6, 2013
It's Friday! Finally! Holiday four day work weeks seem to be so much longer than a normal work week. I guess cramping five days worth of work into four throws the whole balance off.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
One of my favorite things is hanging out with the tiny G's. So it is completely awesome that every Tuesday I get to babysit those crazy kids. I am pretty positive most biological aunts do not spend as much time with their nieces and nephews as I do with my niece and nephew by love and friendship. Not to toot my own horn ... But that makes me pretty awesome!
Babysitting the tiny G's is always an adventure. Honestly you never know what those kiddos will say, do or try to convince you to do for them. We watched TV while eating dinner, snacked on Nutella and pretzels while watching Hotel Transylvania, jumped on the trampoline, and played on the iPad with minimal arguing. I am not going to lie ... I am a pretty fun aunt.
I can even get these kids to do chores. I think I shocked the shit out of Jess when she came home to find out her kids brushed their teeth, were in their pajamas and cleaned up their rooms. Our reward ... Tattoos!
No need to thank me ... I am Super Sitter! My cape is at the cleaners!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Remember a time before Facebook when no one knew how you were feeling unless you told them? Wasn't that a refreshing time, since you could just avoid a conversation with the complainers?
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Mostly hate ... I spend way too much time scrolling through my news feed and getting so annoyed by stupid shit that really doesn't affect me in the least. Lately as I scroll through I want to slap the women posting cleavage, bikini, and skanky photos on their walls that have their children on their friends list. Ladies (I am using that term loosely) we both know you are posting these pictures to get a raise and comments from your male friends. I am not hating on you! I get it. I like attention too. But the difference between you and I ... My teenage impressionable child is not on my friends list.
Another issue I have with Facebook are the "poor me" posts. Not just the "I locked my keys in my car" "It's Monday and I don't want to work", but the full on depressing posts. I understand you maybe hurting, but Facebook should not be your outlet. Everyone on your friends list does not need to know the inner workings of the relationship either ending or breaking. People develop an opinion and not necessarily a good opinion of you. After all you are sharing your personal business with the world, so who's to say you wouldn't share personal information I made you privy to.
Well that's enough for now ...
Friday, August 30, 2013
My blog has turned into just H54F posts ... Hmmm I really need to work on that.
Friday, August 23, 2013
It's finally Friday! This week really dragged on and on for me. Here are some highlights ...
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Today marks Wade and my one month anniversary! Yea I know ... One month big deal. But it really is a big deal. This past month I have been the happiest I have ever been. So let's review some highlights ...
1. Our first date! - Wade had planned to take me to the Dubliner. I was SO nervous. It had been a long time since I went on a first date. When he arrived at my condo, I showed him my place. We ended up talking from the time he got there until 1:40am! We never left my condo! And it was the best first date. :-)
2. Meeting my bff and bff's husband - I am not sure why I needed Wes' approval, but I really wanted him to like Wade. I love the idea of couples outings ... like dinners, float trips, vacations. So Wes' approval was a must. Jess met Wade the night before Wes. She liked him! So I was pretty sure Wes would too. And he did! I received a text on my way home from dinner saying "Wes approves".
3. Meeting Wade's parents and sister - I was probably more nervous to meet Wade's family then I was for our first date. His family is close and I really wanted them to like me. I feared they would hate me and our relationship would fizzle out as a direct effect. Thank goodness they all like me! His family is so sweet and funny. I laughed so much on the car ride back to his parents house. I am looking forward to seeing them all again.
4. Knowing he wants the same things as I do - It is no secret I want to be a momma. I have dreamed of having kids since I was little. I REALLY want to get married and have kids. Preferably in the order! Wade is a romantic and also wants to get married and have kids. Not saying we are getting married or having kids, but it is great to know that you are on the same page with someone.
5. Flowers! - This lucky girl really hit the jackpot with such a romantic guy. Only a couple weeks into this relationship, Wade sent me flowers. Such a surprise. Gold star for my handsome boyfriend!
Happy one month anniversary hun! :-)
Friday, August 16, 2013
(You guys get a two for one today!)
Over the last few weeks I have not blogged, mostly because a lot has changed. All for the better, but it is still sort of hard to put it in "black and white".
I want to start by saying my intentions are never to hurt anyone. If you are reading this, I really hope one day you will believe me. I only wanted to be happy and not miserable anymore. I personally made myself miserable. I let myself believe for years that I could make someone want the same things as I did. Then when my dreams were shattered by infertility, I let myself believe that I was fine with not pursuing other fertility options and remaining in a relationship that I felt lost in. I was so wrapped up in what I wanted and since that wasn't an option I completely shut down. I can't blame anyone but myself for the destruction of the relationship I was in. At one point I do believe he loved me. Deep down I think he still does. Just not the girl that is standing here today. He loves the 24 year old girl he met that September day. I am not that girl anymore. I haven't been her in a long time. And I shouldn't be that same girl at 31. Unfortunately we didn't grow together or want the same things. I will forever be grateful for the time I spent with him, what I learned about myself, and for the lessons I learned.
So that brings us too ...
A few weeks ago I met an awesome guy. I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually go on a date with him because I was still stuck in my head ... my miserable existence. I had already caused one person to hate me because I was miserable all the time. Did I really want this guy to think I was a horrible bitch too? So after talking to some friends it was decided that I could use this as free dinner. Sorry Wade! But we actually never left my condo. We talked for hours. About everything from our childhoods, family, friends, my need to get married and have kids. Shockingly he didn't run away screaming in horror! I wasn't sure if he would call me or text me ever again, but he did. This guy likes me! Crazy since I still don't believe I am worth someone liking.
I don't think you should find your happiness within someone else, but I do think someone should make you happy. Wade makes me happy. And I am actually happy with me ... probably for the first time ever. You will hear more about him in future blogs, so I won't bore you with his awesomeness too soon. :-)
OMG it has been a month since I posted a H54F. I am so sorry on the blog slacking.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Sorry I am posting this a little late!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I guess it shouldn't surprise me that someone else's thoughts, opinions and actions can destroy my personal happy.
Someone else should not have this much control over my emotions. I shouldn't let someone rip my high away from me. But I did. Now I feel so shitty.
I guess they were not teasing when they said we aren't friends just colleagues. Good to know after I invested my time in a friendship that wasn't real.
I don't need a "friend" like you. I prefer my enemies to unmask themselves to my face rather than behind my back.
Talk shit, spread rumors and lies. You, my "friend", will look worse in the end. I will hold my head up high because I know the truth. And I refuse to play your high school games. I am too old for such nonsense.
This very well maybe the end of what I thought was a friendship. I am okay with that. I know who my true friends are. They are the one's cheering me on and raising me up, not belittling me and trashing me.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
I hope everyone had an awesome weekend. Over all mine was pretty chill. So here is a recap ...
Friday night I went to see 'The Heat'. It was pretty funny. Melissa McCarthy is HILARIOUS! After the movie I went to Steak 'n Shake. I always crave it, but after I am disappointed with myself for eating such a greasy meal. Frisco Melts are so tasty though!