Mother's Day ...

05.11.2013

Mother's Day is tomorrow. My least least favorite day of the year for two reasons.

Reason one - My mother.
My mother and I never had a close relationship that I can recall. She never played with me as a child. Which is particularly sad, since I was an only child for seven years, we didn't spend a lot of time with family with kids close to my age, and our neighbors didn't really have kids my age. I spend a lot of time playing barbies and dolls by myself. This later caused one of my aunts to say I was retarded because I talked to myself. As a preteen, my mother did not shop with me or act like the other moms. My mother spent her time on the phone with her friends, gossiping about co-workers. Maybe that is why I gossip so much.  My mother did not make dress shopping for dances and graduation a memorable experience. She would rush through and make the experience totally suck for me. My mother is the most selfish person I have ever met. And I fear I will become her.

I do have a few stand out memories. Once we went to Long Horn for dinner then to see Friday Night Lights. I don't remember much of our conversation, but it was nice to have her alone. Without her cell attached to her ear. Another time, I was involved in a physical altercation with my ex-boyfriends mom (I know real redneck shit!) and she took me to the police station to file a police report.

A few years ago, my parents divorced. Long over due! I haven't spoken to my mother since about six months prior to her walking about on my dad. She gave no warning. One day she was there, then the next she text my dad and said she was never coming back. While my dad packed her things for charity, he found the final notice of foreclosure. She hide for months that she had not paid the mortgage. It took me thousands of dollars to clear my dads possessions from that house, put them in storage, find him housing, move his things to the new place, and help him get settled. I felt maybe still do feel betrayed.

Reason two - I am not a mother. Not for lack of trying
Around the time my mother walked out on my dad, I found out I have Poly cystic Ovary Syndrome. Learn more here. I have always wanted to be a mom and I finding out it will take medicines and possible fertility treatments to conceive was heart breaking. This was one of the worst days of my life. My gynecologist refused to help in anyway other than Metformin because his religious believes were to be married before you conceive a child. Thanks for the judgement ASSHOLE!

After a couple of years, not knowing if I would ever have a baby since the Metfomin did not work, I found a great doctor Thank you Ebony for your referral. I will always be thankful! Dr. Misty Day is amazing! My first visit she talked to me like I was a person and not a 20-something slut that wanted to get knocked up. She told me what my options were and asked for my then boyfriend to come in to talk about how we wanted to move forward. Unfortunately, Clomid did not jump start ovulation as we had hoped. And there is NOTHING sexy about an ovulation and "relations" calendar. Looking back I can see clearly when my relationship went from happily-ever-after to single living alone in a two bedroom condo.

So ... Mother's Day is not flowers, hand-made crafts, and breakfast in bed for me.